"My whole life I was a puppet on strings"
Martin Jever man Rocktheter lifetime
I am going to the bathroom and get ready. On the way over the balcony down I cast a glance at the Malifad (a 3000) and Lake Ohrid. Then I disappear in the Community House, grab a coffee and meet with the other for the morning devotions.
Where am I? in Pogradec, Albania. In high school, a private school. We are here with the whole family. My wife is a therapist in the morning two other women and treated together with others in a medical center, the people who otherwise can not afford. Afternoon, I'm teaching my classes. There are still preparing final papers to make the grade for your school report ... I'm looking forward to the class trip to Durres and 14 days holiday on the stand, then we are going back home - to Germany.
After 10 months of unconventional life back into the parent relationships, where everything is regulated by law, back in the estranged life. It is difficult to re-acclimatize in the German context. My first purchase in the net ends after wandering around in the huge corridors almost having a nervous breakdown.
We come as strangers. You look outside of things and discovered much of what one did not previously noticed, and now seems strange. It takes a long two years to integrate again. If I report on Albania, or think of me are almost always tears in his eyes. I'm still not back right here. My heart is still there - for "my" students in my class ...
I used the time in seclusion for meditation and wrote me my thoughts about a half year low spread in an 8-page letter that I sent my friends and I got only one real feedback - unfortunately.
have passed since 3 years. The threads could then sketched with security and continuity of the path are torn and many can be "tie" is not much more to what was before I was not able. Friends have moved away. In tasks which I had previously completed in the community, I did not work anymore.
free fall. Uncertainty. Where is the way? Is there a way to? What is my purpose? What do I want?
I do not know!
others have for years held for me. At seven, my grandmother decided that I would need for Christian doctrine. At 13, my father decided that I would have to make youth initiation, which would be important and good for me, I would understand not yet. As this would be grounded with no high school my father took care of 16 for an apprenticeship as a fitter. Between them were my parents divorced and I should be "developed" part where I now I hinsollte would be old enough. Something to share parts of what can not be. At 20 my girlfriend decided to separate from me. After the fall was my company, and I did not know still what I wanted. I looked at the employment office and a friend advised me to to go. That would be a safer job. Lack of targets and other (conceivable) alternatives I applied with an uncertain feeling and was accepted. Also in the faith community, which constituted, until recently a very cast and important part of my life, I took in the now 22 past years, many tasks, if Not on the man was and if people dropped out, went abroad, etc.
I want not saying that that was wrong, I've learned a lot, experienced many adventures, also had fun doing it - it has made me the man I am today. But looking back it seems to me as though I often was used as a substitute until then others came and I went back to the bench. Big decisions I made more difficult and delayed them out often.
Who has counted something now know that in the year ending caught me, an unavoidable event. My 40th. I have it nice to celebrate in the open with about 80 guests. But he cast his shadow advance. Already in 2009 I began to think about how I would this event, entry into the age of wisdom, to celebrate. But it turned out quite differently. I resolved my life "work up" began with a 1-hour phone call to my then girlfriend. (. Note: I had moved away for 19 years no contact, she was married and how I came to the phone number was already a miracle - that I'm still a year in the purse carried with me first before I even had the courage to call.) It was a good and clear the air. Then I would take my family over the past to attack and leave a very good book on the subject of Hillinger family placement. Although I use the method was to have my problems but at least thematically very reasonable and gave me good momentum.
But there was something in between. Sick leave due to overloading (burnout symptoms) and depression. I had until then no idea what that is. The one all day running around with a bad temper Instead Anriebslosigkeit / listlessness, fatigue, feelings of powerlessness. It creates the greatest effort just so that most necessary. For more is not enough
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